Many blog posts ago, I wrote about Margaret Mead, the cultural anthropologist. She contends that there are three critical stress points in a committed relationship where it can fracture. The first is at the front end of a relationship when one couple wants to move forward and the other does not, especially with having children. The second stress point occurs after the children have left home and the couple realizes that their reason for staying together has also left home. Their relationship disintegrates because it is now unsatisfying and without a common purpose. The third stress point occurs later in life, where companionship is most important, but for various reasons some couples are unable to align their togetherness to the satisfaction of both individuals.
With Gary’s death, I realized that other factors are pivotal and can have devastating effects on families. My wife and I have a child who battled two bouts of cancer. We spent weeks in various hospitals, and because of our battle against this dreaded disease, our relationship grew stronger and continued to flourish simply because we relied on each other and found solace together. However, many families on the cancer ward fell apart because of the stress of the disease. An unexpected death, such as Gary’s, can destroy relationships and families. Here is what happened to Gary’s family:
Gary’s Parents: His mother, Marie, and his father, Louie, divorced. Their divorce occurred almost simultaneously with Gary’s death. I am uncertain as to how long they were married, but Gary was their firstborn and 21 years old when he was murdered. Marie eventually remarried. She died in 2000 at the age of 77.
Louie never remarried and died in 1996 at the age of 81.
The 1052 Bar was sold in January 1964, or approximately 18 months after Gary’s death. Even though the family bar was sold, alcohol consumption remained a critical part of their life.
After Gary’s death, alcohol could have been their means of self-medication.
Gary’s Siblings: Both Ronnie and Lewie remained in Jackson and graduated from high school. They then served honorably in the Armed Forces and were stationed in Vietnam. Ronnie was wounded, but both returned home safely.
Their sole sister, Sharon, moved away from Jackson. I remained in contact with her, but for unknown reasons she avoided contact with her immediate family except for her mother, Marie. Sharon and her female partner owned a small party store in southern Michigan. Sharon died in 2017, and some members of her family never knew of her death. She was laid to rest next to her lifelong companion of 38 years.
Girlfriend: Gary’s girlfriend, Linda, saw her potential husband stabbed to death in front of her. I cannot imagine a more devastating and horrific event for a young woman to witness. I wonder what the psychological impact was for her. With the assailants’ court appearances and her retelling of the story to the investigators and prosecution, it must have had an immense toll on her psyche.
On July 7, 1967, or nearly five years after Gary’ murder, a woman from Jackson with Linda’s last name married a man in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Since Linda’s last name is unusual and the Jackson newspaper reported the marriage, I have to believe she was Gary’s girlfriend. She and her husband honeymooned in Acapulco, Mexico, and then moved to Dallas, Texas. I have reason to believe that she had children and eventually moved to California.
Very quickly after Gary’s death it seemed as if his entire family imploded. Growing up, these were the family members that I absolutely loved and adored. With my dysfunctional family, Gary’s family was the family that I always wanted to be around. They laughed, told stories, and shared a camaraderie that was very endearing. However, like most of my relatives, alcohol became an essential ingredient for most of them.
(Next week: Investing)
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